Grincourt Consulting

The time is now

2012-02-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

Two years ago I was in an accident where God saved my life,medically they can’t explain how I am alive today. I was on my mountain bikeand took a great fall. Just about 40m ahead of me was a turn I intended totake, yet I never made it.

A while after my recovery the Lord laid it on my heart how Iintended to take that turn and never made it. He showed me how this reflects inour lives, just how many times God will bring something to our attention, or afriend shares wisdom and we are quick to ignore it.....to say ‘maybe later’. Yetchances are that we never get to that ‘later’ we always accept will just bethere. Just like I never reached that turn in the road. Just like you are reading this now and saying: "yeah whatever".

I had the most wonderful week of my life recently, yet atthe same time the greatest heartache. God brought something to my attentionduring this great week, yet I ignored it and said, ‘oh well, I know but maybenext time!’ Well it ended with me never getting that next time.

And the sad part with not paying instant attention tosomething that God brings to your awareness, is that it not only impacts yourlife but also that of others. In this case someone that was so dear to myheart. And I hurt her greatly.
I know it takes two to tango as they say, but I have to take responsibility for my actions and choices and not point the finger.

So my question is, where in my life....where in your lifehas God tried to get your attention and you are choosing to rather ignore it. Wesay maybe next time just because the choice we have to make does not suit us,does not feel nice or convenient in that moment.

Well the consequences are and always will be far moreinconvenient. So live each moment in a way that you are proud of. In a way thatpeople you care about will be proud of. In a way that God will always be proudof.

You have this one life, this one moment!

Oh how one moment of ignorance can cause a lifetime ofsorrow? I pray that you open your eyes and open your heart to hear from God andlisten.....and obey now, in that moment. Not later, for later may never bethere. Not next time as it may never come.

I wish you courage, I wish you the strength and I wish you alifetime of love and happiness. You are worth it!

True purpose?

2012-02-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met someone and after a while you wonder what the purpose was? Especially if that person had a profound impact on your life, good or bad.

I for one have been there a few times. The ones that turned out good is easy to handle and we are greatful. Yet when things don't turn out that well, we are left with scars and questions. We are quick to look towards that person to blame them just to make us feel better. This however leaves us unchanged and no better off at all, just stuck where we have always been in that area of our life.

The scary reality is that in time you will find yourself there again as a result of YOU not having grown. Be it in your finances, relationships, love, work or hobbies. Every now and then someone will cross your path just to open your eyes, but if you are not willing to change.....you will just push that person away and keep on your path. And that path will just stay the same with the same outcomes untill you eventually choose to take another path.

Taking that other path is not easy because it will change your life. You will loose 'friends', and you will make new ones. You will have people reject you, tell you how stupid you are and what big mistake you are making. And going through that is tough cause it was your comfort zone for so long.

But your life and your future is in your hands. And if you truly want what is good then you are going to have to face these challenges. But I can guarantee you that there are people out there who want what is best for you and will support you through these times, cause they were there as well at some point.

Nothing will change without changes taking place!

The goodness and Godly truth in life will not change, no matter how you justify your actions just to avoid change. If you are honest with yourself, those people (friends) who you might loose, are their lives the one that you want? I bet you not. The one thing that I have learned is to not take advice from people regarding a given situation if their lives are not what you want in that situation. If someone is bad with finances....don't take their advice. If your friend has a relationship or marriage that you don't want, do not lend your ear to them. That is foolish and will keep you bound to that very place you are.

What does the Truth say on your sitaution? What does God say, how does He feel about your actions? That should be your measure, nothing else. Then my wish is that you have the courage and strength to act in line and hold on! Cause in the end, only you will know....you will gain.....or you will loose the very thing that you are after....that joy and happiness and love and peace.

Seeing is believing!

2012-02-02T05:25:00.000-08:00

So many times I have found myself talking to people, sharing wisdom and insights, just to find myself talking to.....well, myself!

We have all heard the saying that talk is cheap. Well on the one hand it is cheap because it is so much easier to talk than it is to act in line with what you are talking about. Yet on the other hand talk is not cheap, it is bloody expensive!

It can cost you your integrity, your trust, your self-esteem and your self-belief. It can cost you your job, your business and your face value in the business world. It can cost you your most prized relationships, your marriage, your friends and your children. And worst of all, it can cost you your name!

Just the past week I caught myself in a situation where my actions was not in line with my character. And it is so easy to justify these actions just to make myself feel better. But justifying it does not change the truth.

Fortunately one can restore your word, your trust. By being honest and open to yourself first of all it becomes possible to be open and honest with others involved and thereby starting to act in line with what you are saying to then start restoring your character.

We all make mistakes. A friend and previous boss of mine once shared something so powerful with me. I made a big mistake and kept it hidden for some time. Then one day I went to him and with all truth and honesty shared this mistake. He then told me that it is not what I did back then......but what I did now that proves what person I am. It blew me away and motivated me so much more to keep walking in line with my word and in all truth and honesty.

Where in your life are you not walking in line with your word? Where does your actions not ressemble what you are saying? Chances are that in these very areas you are experiencing difficulties.

Make the choice today to turn your life around and start the journey towards the future that you are dreaming of. You have the ability, we all have the ability within us to let others see (experience) what we believe and therefore become empowered in our lives.

Go for it....take the step and let tomorrow be different. You've got what it takes in you!

You are worth it!

Is there a purpose?

2011-12-12T02:20:00.000-08:00

Is there a purpose to this?
Is there a puspose to it all?

All of us at some point have asked these questions when we find ourselves at the end of a chapter in our life. In these moments we are often consumed by emotions of failure and or loss. We become quiet and withdrawn as we slowly ponder the shock and the sadness that eventually expresses itself through tears of loneliness and heartache.
Others find themselves expressing these intense emotions through anger and resentment that gets fueled by the feeling of rejection. Tears gush out in an attempt to put out the fire and heat of hurtful words and expressions.

Memories flash through your head of moments where you could have done things different, where you should have seen things you overlooked and also those moments when all was so good that makes this moment so hard to understand....so hard to handle.

And then you find yourself asking the question: What was the pupose?

Why did we meet? Why did our paths cross? Why did this opportunity come my way? Why did this door open in the first place?

This is the time to remember.....

Remember that you have been here before. Remember that when one chapter ends another will begin. That when one door closes another will open. Remember that it is impossible to join all the dots looking forward, but when you look back at your life you can start to put the dots together. And eventually as you draw the line through those dots you will find a picture.......and all will make sense. So keep walking.....keep searching for the next dot and enjoy the journey between the dots. Take the time between to learn and observe, to grow, to make better choices and to make the next chapter one where you make a positive impact on many lives.

Enjoy the next chapter cause each one matters. It might not feel like it now.....and that is okay. You might not feel like starting a new chapter that you would rather join the crowd that sits on the sideline with pitty in one hand and judgment in the other shouting as if they know best. And feeling like that is okay....just take the time to reflect. Take a moment, take a day, take a week......and before you know it a new chapter will begin.

When a new chapter begins there is excitement. There is joy and love and hope. It is in these moments that you realise, when you finally get your answer:

YES, there is a purpose!

There is a purpose to it all!

Getting closure

2011-12-06T00:54:00.001-08:00

So there I was talking to a client of mine about a bad experience she had with someone and the friendship came to an end. It has been a while and they are still talking, so I asked why? Her answer was that she needs to get closure. Again I asked how? She responded that she just needs to hear him say what she believes to be the truth!

And then it hit me......how many times or where in my life am I struggling to move on because I have not heard what I wanted to hear? That it is not possible for me to get closure on a issue or relationship and effectively move forward just because what the person said is not what I wanted to hear?

Therefore not getting the answer I wanted leaves me to not believe what is said. Almost as if then it does not count! I tell myself that he or she did not really mean it......and carry on as if nothing happened. And the only thing that keeps happening is that you end up hurting yourself more and more and deeper and deeper.

We are so cought up in the world of justification. We demand people to justify themselves when they say or choose something that we do not like or did not want.

Let people take responsibility for they own choices. The only responsibility you have is to make sure they know what the consequences are going to be and that they have full knowledge of the situation. The choice they make given this is simply their own choice......accept it and move on. Better things and all good things will come your way as long as you walk in truth and righteously.

So keep faith and keep walking. You are worth it!

Don't be defeated!

2011-10-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

In 1597 Sir Francis Bacon stated that knowledge is power. Yet many people believe that when Thomas Hobbes wrote scientia est potentia in his work De Homine in 1658 that it laid the foundation for our tendency and belief that "knowledge is power"!

I agree that there is a measure of truth to this, but in it's individual capacity it has no power and at times does more harm than good.

Knowledge on it's own has no power, yet when someone takes action on good knowledge it becomes powerful. This applies to anything in life.

Having all the knowledge of medicine is no good, but when someone applies this knowledge people get healed. Knowing that you love someone makes no difference, but when you share it with that person life changes. Knowing of a problem someone faces leaves them stuck, but when you talk to them about it their situation can change. Having all the knowledge of aviation means nothing, but when someone applied it it allowed me to visit friends in the UK within 12 hours. Having all the knowledge of God and the Bible does not save your life or make you a good person, but acting on the Word inspires love.

So many of us in so many areas of our life got stuck on gaining knowledge. We read books, attend seminars and study various courses just to gain more knowledge. It creates a false sense of 'growth' or development in our lives, that we are doing something to change. It gives us a great excuse for staying who and where we are. It makes us feel better! So when we talk to someone we can talk with great knowledge and sound clever, even throw a awesome quote or two into the conversation or post it on our emails or Facebook.

Yet the questions is: Are you actually willing to take action on the knowledge you gain?

If not, you will simply remain a defeated genius in that area of your life. Knowledge without action is a passive state of living.....and the years just roll by. It eats away at your soul and you end up alone. With many people who care for you, but alone in life when the light go off at night.

Whatever is keeping you from taking action is a lie and not worth pondering a thought on. Take action today and if you are scared, it is okay! Find someone you trust to support and encourage you. We all need someone we can trust. You, your life and your future and happiness is worth it! We all deserve it, so go for it!

Like the bumble bee who scientifically cannot fly. The bee did not read that article and chooses to fly anyway, giving himself a chance at life.....so he takes action every day, flaps his wings and flies.

Root(s) to success

2011-10-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

Over the years I have supported and guided many people in their life journey. Be it in business, relationships or hobbies the core or root of their success is all the same.

Clarity, Honesty, Being Upright.

These are the three things that we struggle with most in life and end up getting exactly or causing exactly the opposite of what we intended or wanted.

What motivates us not to live by these three roots is fear.

We are scared that if we are honest we will hurt someone or lose them. That we will not get the contract or the client will not like you.
We are scared that if we are going to be upright about our motives that the other person will not want to spend time with us or think less of us. That we will realise that what truly motivates us is not good or even a lie and that it will hurt us.
We are scared that if we create clarity on our circumstances it will push others away or even leave us to face the reality that our circumstances are not what we dreamed of.

When in actual fact the opposite is true. That by being honest, upright and clear about your life and feelings and actions you are inspiring trust and respect! You are giving the people around you the opportunity to know where they stand and make sound decisions. You are giving yourself the opportunity to live life successfully with no regrets, guilt or sorrow and misguided beliefs.

I wish you all the courage to live life successfully, to be honest, upright and clear! ALWAYS!!

"Blessed are the pure and truthful in heart for they shall see God." Matt 5:8
"He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart will dwell in My holiness." Ps 15: 1,2

Taking control....

2011-10-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend today and sharing an experience that I was and am busy working through in my life at the moment. He asked me where I am concerning this and my words to him was that "I have given it back to the Lord, I gave all control over it back to God."

Just to realise in that moment that it seems silly actually. How can I give control back to God over something or someone that I never even had control over! It was just an illusion to think or unconsciously feel that you own someone in a relationship or have control......cause you don't! I just sat there and started laughing at myself and my friend had a good laugh too.

Yes when you are in a relationship you have responsibilities and need to have compassion and share your life and space......give love and receive love.....open your heart for understanding and support.....inspire trust through your actions.....support each other to grow and forgive.

But you never have ownership or control......because that is not love......it is fear driven. Fear of getting hurt or loosing what you think you have.

Love is freedom!! The freedom to be who you are and to be accepted for it. The freedom to grow towards being a better person at your own pace and to be supported.

So what did I then truly do with my situation? I did not give it back to God......no, I just trusted God that He has a great plan for me and that He wishes all things to work for my good. And I just came to trust it...that is what happened.

Who knows what the future will look like? I might find myself in that same relationship....this time only so much better and wiser and healthier and stronger. I might find a different relationship that is greater than what I imagined. Who knows! But what I do know is that I now trust God that it is going to be good!! And I am excited!!!!

Moral of the story......make an effort to get to the place where you are truly open to grow in who you are and truly trust God that He wants the best for you!!!!

Creating the future you want

2011-10-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

Have you realised how when you speak to people about what they want in life....they almost start to talk as if they fantasize about what they are talking about. Like it is never going to happen. Or most people when you ask them what they want.....they can't even give you an answer!

Yet when you start talking about the things you do not want....oh boy do we get assertive! I tell you then people talk with certainty and tell you exactly what they do not want and give you examples of when it happened and how they will react when this might happen in the near future with a specific situation....almost as if they expect it to happen again.

Why is this so? Why is it easier for us to believe in the negative to happen rather than the possitive? And why has it become more comfortable to talk about the negative.....more accepted even!!

Is it possible that things are more negative because we speak more negative?

What would happen if we start talking more positive and hold onto these positive thoughts and beliefs? Most of us will not know cause we try it for a little while but are not able to endure. The minute or moment we see something that resembles the negative we would say that we knew it was not possible and we give up.

My invitation to all of you this month is to refrain from negative speaking. Start to speak life into every situation you come across and every healthy relationship you are in. Speak it and endure for this month and lets see what happends. Don't grab onto the shadows which will come and try to make you stumble. Stand on the good and positive thoughts and words.....and keep standing!

You are worth it!!!!

Just take a moment....

2011-10-06T01:45:00.000-07:00

I almost get tired sometimes when I just listen to people telling me about their day. It is simply exhausting. I feel like I need a coffee or Red Bull when they are done.

Just to sit there with one question in my mind: "When do you ever stop to look at your life, at what is important to and live for that?!"

When do you stop to look at your life? At what you truly want.....those things that are important to you (wife, husband, marriage, kids, friends, family) and to look at yourself! To look at yourself and to see what impact you are having on those important things. What quality time you are spending with them. What experience you are creating for them!!

Or are you just so caught up in all the excess that you need to feel important.....to look good....to hide from your guilt....to hide from inabilities and fears?

No one is perfect and your partner or spouse did not choose you because they think you are perfect. No one is the best husband or the best wife or the best parent!! We need each other...you need each other!

And you need each other to be open, upright and honest so that you can move forward with respect and love, not giving resentment and shame and guilt a chance to step in!

So where in your life do you need to share something in order to get clean.....to give life a chance? But before you share.....just sit down and decide how important it is to you. How important is your wife to you? How important is it for you wanting to be married to her? How much do you truly want this? And then ask her if she wants the same!!

Then you will realise one thing.....that both of you have the same goal and that has never changed! It is lies and deceit that walked through the door and made you see each other and experience each other differently. It is like you are wearing camouflage clothing and you can't see each other anymore....you can't see yourself anymore. It is time to get clean.

If both of you wish to share love....take the time to get clean and give each other the time and grace and forgiveness. We all make mistakes.....we all get disheartened, and we all deserve the opportunity to share our heart and be listened to.

Take the time.....cause tomorrow might not be there.

So if you are married or love someone.....life is so short and this is not a cliche, cause you do not know about tomorrow, only this moment now.....take the time to sit down and share your heart, admit your actions and do not point a finger at all. Jislaaik man, your heart is worth it!!!!

And if you need advice or support.....do not hesitate to contact me, please!!

Summary

2011-10-03T04:14:00.000-07:00

Wow, thank you for all the feedback in such short time.

Needless to say it is sad to hear and experience just how many people out there are unhappy, how many relationships and marriages are struggling and being destroyed.

I wish to point out at this stage that your focus should not be the other person. When you do this you will forever be in a negative cycle of judgment and destructive behaviour. The devil needs you to open just one door, be it a door you openened through lying, adultery, deceit, anger, stubbornness, etc and from there he has so cleverly designed the rest of the destructive behaviour to follow suit.

How from a lie will flow distrust and there will come jealousy, then sarcasm, then anger, then the temptation for adultery, etc.

And this is not who you are.....that is not who God created you to be!!! You just made the mistake to open the door. Your choices that follow after you openend the door will determine just how big the consequences will be.

What drives you to keep functioning in the unrighteous and untruthfull behaviour?
- the fear of not being good enough?
- the fear of being rejected?
- the fear that the other person might not thing you are perfect anymore?
- that you are scared of becoming vulnerable?

At some point you are going to have to open your heart with wisdom towards someone who is committed to a life with God.
At some point you are going to have to trust in the goodness of God towards you.
At some point you are going to have to take responsibility for your committed behavior and choices to grow in God.

Christianity is not passive!!!! It is a daily walk of good will in all honesty and being upright, being willing to change and to grow. To take action in line with that which is good and honest and to then trust and allow God to do the rest, for the outcome. Other than this it is simply fake good intentions.

Or as Jesus said so clearly in Luke 12:1 & Matt 23 that people who pray and read the Bible and talk about God but are not willing to grow and take action are simply HYPOCRITES.

I know it is not easy......therefore you cannot walk this journey alone!!!! I have tried and failed like so many others! Even Jesus had people whom He trusted and shared with.....so how much more don't we need to?!!!! Just choose that person or those people with wisdom.

Part 2 - Righteousness

2011-10-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

You will notice that each 'tool' that I share with you is not just a good intention, but a daily action. It is part of your daily living. It is not just something you pray about.....or ask God for....or a right standing with God. No, it is a way of daily living....daily actions.

In every choice or action you make you consciously or unconsciously either choose to resist the devil or you choose to resist the Holy Spirit. You open the door for one to use you as a instrument to achieve their goals. To create life in abundance with love or to destroy, kill or steal life and relationships.

So what is righteousness?

to do what is ethically right
to do what is morally right
to practice Good Will (always)

The opposite would be to:

to be unfair
to ignore someone
silent treatment
sarcasm
immoral
sin (destructive behaviour)

When you practice any form of destructive behaviour you are opening the door for the devil to use you as a instrument for his works. You might be born again, a child of God.....but that does not prevent you from being a instrument for the devil through poor choices, unrighteous behaviour (consciously of unconsciously).

Psalm 15:1,2 "Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your hily hill? He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart."
Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil...."

Where in your life are you practicing in behaviour that is not good? In behaviour that is destructive to yourself and relationships?

You know these things and areas! Yet we are so quick to be a child of God where and when it suits us. And then we expect God to answer our prayers? You are either committed or you are not.

How often do we use the excuse, "Well this is who I am" or "I did not have a choice" or "She made me do it!".......and inside you know that the behaviour is destructive to your relationship. You are opening a door for the devil to destroy what is and can be beautiful. How sincere is your relationship with God then....if you are not willing to change, to grow closer to God and be more like Jesus?

Lets look at some destuctive bevahiour from scriptures:
- murder                             - theft                                 - sexual abuse
- unfairness                         - substance abuse               - slander
- false testimonies                - bribing                             - manipulation
- verbal abuse                      - obesity                            - recklessness
- pornography                      - anger outburst                 - jealousy
- stubbornness                     - greed                               - drunkenness

So if you want your marriage to work or to be healed then you need to start walking in righteousness. If you want to let God's will be done in your life......you have to walk in righteousness. Then you need to abstain from these destructive behaviours. Choose!!!!

If you want to pray with confidence.....if you want to hear from God.....you need to choose to practice in good will. So are you willing to change? Or do you choose to stay who you are.........

Insanity is hoping for a different outcome but still doing the same thing!!!!

Part 1 - The TRUTH

2011-10-03T02:58:00.000-07:00

The two most important questions:
Do you believe God exists?
Do you believe the devil exists?

If you answered "yes" to both these questions, and you truly believe it with your whole heart, then get this scripture in your heart. John 10:10 "The devil have come to kill, steal and to destroy. Yet I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly."

We are all part of a greater story. We are all being faught over, we are wanted! It is like a game of chess. There are rules in places that cannot be broken, rules that determine the reality and consequences. And once you have made your choice....your move, then there will be consequences. You are not in control of your opponents (the devil) moves, but if you grow in strength you will be able to make better moves (choices), win more battles and be victorious. How do I grow in strength? By getting to know the rules of the game better and better and better......to become wiser.

The devil will make a move to tempt you.......and if you are not wise enough, if you don't know the rules that well, you will fall for the temptation and become vulnerable.

One of the rules that you can use to protect yourself is TRUTH.

Why is this so important? God clearly stated that He can only operate in the truth. The areas in our lives where we do not walk truthfully, we are on our own. We resist God's help in those areas cause He cannot function there and worst of all, we then open the door for the devil to operate.
Psalm 145:18 "The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth."
John 8:44
Matt 5:8 "Blessed are they who walk in the truth, for they shall hear from God."
Matt 5:37
1 Pet 3:10 "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit."

So what is TRUTH?

being honest
having good intentions
being sincere
being upright (not telling halve a truth)
pure of heart

When you lied and keep it from someone you open the door for distrust to enter. The devil then uses this broken trust to seperate a relationship. If you made a commitment (you said yes) and you then try to avoid that person because you feel bad you are not being upright. You then open the door for distrust and jealousy which the devil will use to destroy that relationship.
There is no point asking God for help as long as you are still operating in this area of untruthfulness. You need to ask God for forgiveness, and then repent by being truthful to the other person and then you can ask and trust God to help. By doing this you resist the devil cause he can't operate in the truth.

Yes there will be consequences, but at least you can then be on your knees in prayer before God with confidence knowing that He can and will help you.
James 5:16 "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed."

Therefore:
If you want to be trusted.
If you want God to hear and answer your prayers.
If you want to be able to hear from God.
If you want a happy relationship/marriage.
If you want to experience the fullness of joy and happiness.

.............then you have to walk in the truth always. Is this important enough for you?

Have a look, are you truthful in these areas of your life:
- Career/Work
- Marriage/ Relationship
- Parenting
- Financial Management
- Friendships

Did you ever wonder why....and how?

2011-10-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

Why did this happen to me? How was it possible and even more important....How do I get back to where I want to be?

How many times did you ask these questions in your life? You might find yourself in a situation right now where you wonder why and how?

Well, so have I......and so have all of us. Just recently I have received some insights that openend my eyes. I am going to share these with you over a period of time, a series of posts, and hope that you will join me. May you find something in some of them if not all of them and may you have the courage to apply these in your life in order to give them a chance.....to give yourself a chance!!

I am going to share these insights from a Believer in Christ Jesus approach. If this is not where you are in your life, I invite you to look at these insights from the truth they carry and for what they are in reality as well in your life.

The scary part is that Christians are the ones who struggle most with what I am about to share. I know, because I see it every day in my work and I was there myself.....so I cannot point the finger.....no one can!

Before we move on to Part 1 of the series, just a couple of questions. My invitation to you as you read this series is to be honest with yourself and to take your time. Read and make sure you grasped what you just read....that you took it in. Because we have this habbit to just glance over the questions and information that we do not like, that makes us uncomfortable and that makes us aware of areas in our life that need attention. We humans do not like to change!!!!! Much easier to point the finger or find excuses.....and believe me as you read through this series you will fill a bucket with all the excuses you come up with!

Q1: Are you truly happy.....or just okay?

Q2: Are you experiencing a part of your life that carries worries....uncertainty that troubles you?

Q3: Do you believe that God exists?

Q4: Do you pray and hope that He will help you?

Q5: Do you believe that the devil exists?

If you answered YES to Q2-5.....then read Part 1 and please feel free to contact me.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!

Are you living?

2011-09-28T02:24:00.000-07:00

"We are most fully alive and living when we are in a loving relationship with someone." - Erwin Raphael McManus

The more you are being honest with yourself and looking at your reality, the more you realize just how true this statement is. We were created by the Greatest Love for love which exists only in relationship. It is a desire within us that we were created and born with, a desire that will keep on searching to be fulfilled until the day you are layed to rest.

We cannot live unaffected by love. We are most fully alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhumane when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it! You were created for relationship. This is and always will be at the core of your being.

For us to be healthy, we need to be part of a relatinship greater than ourself. Independence is one thing; isolation is another.

So many people I know, and I included myself in this group till a few years ago, allow things around them to come between their heart and this greater love. We create attachments to things and other people thinking that it will fill this gap that only a true loving relationship can fill. Yet it keeps us from being open to recieve this love we are truly searching for.

And you will not rest until you find it. You will be lonely until you find it, being busy but lonely. Your search might have lead you to unhealthy places and unhealthy relationships.

It is even worse when you find yourself with someone in marriage or relationship, but you have allowed things to come between your hearts. What once was passion have now turned into passiveness. Loneliness.

Look at your life, what are you attached to that keeps you from being open to recieve and experience this love that you are unconsciously always searching for? The love that we all deserve to find.

You are worth it!! And there is a love out there or maybe next to you right now that can be blessed by your love.......a heart that was created to be fulfilled only by your love. Stir up that passion within yourself!!! Clean your life!! And start loving so you can start living!

Do it today!!!!! Cause tomorrow might never come.......

Being guided by Truthfulness

2011-09-26T05:23:00.000-07:00

I attended a talk last night on the topic of 'truth'. It just reminded me of the blog I wrote last year on honesty, yet I was stirred so much deeper last night.

As I got home a friend called me for advice on a situation she is facing. If she is going to be upright and truthful about her feelings then she is going to hurt someone that loves her and that she cares about. She will also lose a picture perfect comfort zone. I refer to it as picture perfect, because we all know that the picture we look at or the picture we paint does not look the same as the true reality.

To grow within yourself or a relationship or a situation, you need to be upright and truthful in order face the reality.

"Things can only work towards any good when you operate upright and in the truth."

The minute you are not upright, truthful, sincere, completely honest and pure of heart then you open the door for all the bad, negative and destructive elements to enter. Then you allow your future, your joy, your relationships to be something that it was not supposed to be.

Then we start looking for other explanations just to make us feel better or look better. We have even created this 'list' of godly justifications of when it is right and better not to be upright and truthful. I mean what crap is that!!! Just to make us look and feel better about being fake.

For you to be a strong and confident person, someone who can enjoy the fulness of life and love, you need to walk upright and in the truth...always. The minute you don't, you are your own curse preventing goodness in your life.

Well knowing this and really getting it.....was and is enought reason and motivation for me to always, regardless of the cost, be upright and truthful. Because I am worth it! You are worth it!!

"Blessed are the pure in heart!" - Matt 5:8
"Let your yes be your yes, and your no be your no....for whatever is more than this is from the evil one" - Matt 5:37

Accepting a little swallow

2011-09-22T04:51:00.000-07:00

My shower is in my loft and next to the shower is a little window. I always leave this window open for fresh air. Just recently a little swallow decided to make this his safe and convenient drinking spot. He would sit on the window......pop into the shower and sit on the shower head drinking the drops of water.

Initially I thought this was beautiful and enjoyed it. I made a point not to leave the window opening too small. Then one morning there was bird poo in my shower. I did not think much of it as it did not happen before and is most probably a once off. The next day it was there again.....and not just in the shower, but on my cycling shorts that I hang beneath the window to dry. Ugghhhhh!! I did not like that and decided that this is enough, I am closing the window after each shower.

Guess what, no more bird poo!!! After a few days I started to miss the beautiful little swallow. I remember sitting in the loft working and the swallow would be so tame it would pop into the shower while I was there working.....then sitting on the window and sing. I missed the little swallow. After a few more days of not being able to forget the little bird I sat down and had a meeting with myself. I realised that everything that is close to your heart comes with a little bit of poo. The question is if I can do anything to keep my heart happy and do something for the poo not to affect me negatively. For the joy which that something places in my heart to be greater than the feeling the poo might give me causing me to push that something away.

So I openend the window and just moved my cycling shorts to dry at a different spot. I got in the shower and each time expected the poo to be there.....when it was it was no surprise and I just washed it off with a smile on my heart....when it was not there I seemed to miss the swallow even more.

Which person do you have in your life that you know you love.....and that some little poo caused your feelings to push that person away? That some little poo causes you to miss that person and you are holding onto that feeling the poo gave you? Is the poo that big? (hahahahhaa, no pun intended) And can you actually do something about the poo.....you might change or he might change or you both could change?

The taste of regret is greater/worse than the smell of the poo!

The Power of Words

2011-09-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

I have just been reminded the last few weeks of how powerful words are. What scared me mostly was to realise how easy we use words without first truly contemplating the impact and commitment of them.

Yes we say that something is important to us, yet your actions do not align with what you said. You call someone your friend, but did you take the time to think about this person and whether it will be good for you and possible for you to live out the true and full meaning of friendship towards this person?

Which brings me to the essence of what is on my heart. Do we truly understand the fullness of the words we use? And if so, are you able to and willing to and committed enough to action those words? The reason why I am emphasising this is because it has a direct impact on your character, the trust you establish with people and with yourself.

The most powerful of words that we need to give a hard think about before we use them are:

yes & no
friend
love

Just saying these words has no power, but it gives birth to a commitment and expectation. It creates a platform on which your trustworthiness will be judged along with your character and integrity.
It is your actions being in line with the fullness of these words that will give God the ability to move on your behalf in any issue you are facing. Only through you taking action is God able to help you achieve the success and victory you are after. With you just saying 'please help me with this Lord' and then you do not take the necessary action to achieve it, will leave you stuck where you are!

So there might be "friends" that are not good for you and your future that you need to let go of. There might be people you said you loved and need to take that back and ask for forgiveness. There might be things you said yes to and need to correct your commitment and ask for forgiveness.

So think wisely before you call someone your friend. Think wisely before you say yes. Think wisely before you tell someone that you love them.

We all make mistakes......and we all have the final choice in what your future here on earth will look like. So choose well and do not hesitate to ask for sound advice.

"The person who asks is a fool for five minutes. The person who does not ask is a fool for a lifetime!" - Chinese Proverb

Being real.....living life!

2011-01-31T13:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked up to someone in your life? That one person whom you trust with so much and see them as your pillar of strength.

I am sure we all have and then just to realise at some point that they are also capable of making mistakes. That they are not perfect. And then we face the possibility of everything changing. We face loosing a relationship or embracing the realness of that person....allowing them to be human just as we are.

The reason that person was able to be this pillar of strength to you is the very result of that person having made many mistakes in his/her life before. The reason that person can support you with such compassion and connection is because that person have been there themself. And while they are there for you, they will still make mistakes which will help them to support others who one day will face the same challenge. The question to ask is, are they willing to acknowledge the mistake, take responsibility for it and learn from it?

Then make your choice, the one that will change your life and your relationship. Which ever choice you make, do know that there is no right and wrong here. It is simply the one that you need, allowing you to deal with the situation best.

Just always be real and live the life that allows you to wake up the next morning and embrace life, no matter how challenging it might be at times. As long as you learn and move forward.

"Do not confuse motion with progress!" - Alfred A Montapert

Just not enough.....

2011-01-28T02:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever experienced that giving all you have just is not enough?

Where does that leave you then? Are you happy or respectful enough to let it go? Respect becomes a big word here as this refers to respect not just of yourself, but also for the other party involved.

Making a mistake here has big consequences. You are not in control of these consequences and trying to control these, as we almost always attempt to, gets you into just greater consequences. The magnitude and impact of these consequences will not stop until you stop trying to get control.

It is a weird thing, to get 'control' you have to let go. And boy do we struggle with this.

Relationships is just that......giving all you have just might not be enough to get the other person or party to reciprocate the feeling or decision. The experience you get from your efforts not being enough will determine your next choice and the consequences to follow. The message you get in this moment will have a life changing impact.....so choose wisely with great courage!

Knowing that the one persons 'no' does not account for everybody out there's opinion. One person's opinion is not worth shaping your idea of who you are!

Letting go.....

2011-01-21T00:32:00.000-08:00

Just yesterday I was asked by a friend if it is possible to ever be satisfied in life. Or will there always be something more that you need, that you want?

When you get the house you wanted.....then you wish to have a bigger one or one with a swimming pool or three garages, etc.

Yes it is possible. when you get to the place where you are satisfied with who you are, then you can be satisfied with what you have in life when you have achieved your dream. However, what I did realise is what we do struggle with is "letting go".

Letting go of something or someone that we truly want, love and appreciate. Letting go requires you to completely give away all efforts (however conscious or unconscious) you are making to have some sort of control. To have an imput of some sort......to be present or thought of. Doing a favour just so that he/she will not forget you (has to think of you!).

Why is this so difficult, this letting go?

I know that I'm struggling letting go of someone at the moment because it is so damn hard believing that you will win her heart back......that she might return to you!! I so wish to convince her that I am the one, that I am worth being with, worth loving and the one that can and will make her happy.

Letting go is not about what you need, but what the other person needs to make relationship possible again.

It still is so damn hard. Experiencing loss is never easy.....it is the dark unknown we fear....the feelings of hurt, rejection and loneliness. Everything comes to an end...and so will this unknown. Scary part.....it can only reach an end if it gets a start at some point.

Faith, hope and love.

Strenght of Character

2011-01-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

I have just been reminded again of the importance of being true to your character.

It is important to walk a healthy journey to establish a sound character first of all. For most people this journey in itself is something they avoid their entire life.....or most of it.

Why? Beacuse this will take them out of their comfort zone. The reality that they might loose 'friends'. Because it is convenient for them to ignore true character. The damage and hurt created because of this avoidance is great and leads to much sadness one day. That question "what if" that you will carry, and the wonder that goes with it.

So what is character? A sound character is based on goodness. It is based on the respect that God carries of you and for you. Because in the end only His opinion of good behavior is what is going to bring joy and love and this is what is going to matter and last eternally.

Yet when you have reached the point of establishing a sound character in your life, then living in line with it is even more important. The minute you start making choices that is not in line with your character, then you start to experience a strong sense of guilt. You start believing that you are not a good person anymore and a very unhealthy stone starts rolling down the hill.
Unless you act with courage and start making choices to re-align with your character, you will start loosing yourself and relationships around you will suffer and increase the guilt and sense of being a bad person. Which you are not, but you are simply acting out of character which creates this experience.

Have the courage today to make choices in line with your character, people know who you truly are and they miss you. They are waiting for the true you to return....because that person is stunning to be with!

The choice is yours.

Freedom of choice

2010-12-28T02:31:00.000-08:00

Freedom of choice and freedom of speech is phrases that have been thrown around a lot lately in every country across the world. We all demand it and we say that we all grant it to others.

Legally we have freedom of choice, but do we truly have freedom of choice emotionally and professionally? Do you experience having the freedom to make a choice even if it means you will make a mistake?

When you freely chose and made a mistake.....did it lead to the end of your relationship, your marriage?
When you made a choice and it was the wrong decision.....did it prevent you from being promoted at work or maybe even got you fired?

So do we truly have freedom of choice?
Are we allowed to make a mistake in order to grow and learn?

Are you giving others the freedom of choice?
Are you willing to support your spouse to grow by allowing them to make a mistake and standing by them in love.....not with hard words.
Are you supporting your staff to grow/learn/develop by allowing them to make a mistake and then encourage them towards the correct or better decisions.

We all want the freedom.
Are we giving what we want?

Listening.....are we really listening?

2010-12-19T22:48:00.000-08:00

Forgive me for not having been active on the blog the last 20 days. I hope what I learned in this time will support you in your life as it did mine.

You will certainly understand what I am about to write, but the big question is: 'Are you willing to listen to what I have to say?'

Listening is one thing, but then to truly hear what the person has to say is something completely different. With great sadness I realised how, with the best of intentions, we do listen when someone speaks to us but we do not truly hear them. The minute they say something that we do not want to hear we unconsciously stop listening. We then either interrupt them or just wait for them to finish so that we can convince them otherwise.

When this happens and we do not hear, then you can't truly understand and connect with that person. You can't make any positive contribution to their life, your relationship or the situation at hand. You will find yourself going in circles with the same issue or situation repeating itself over and over again. Frustration and resentment is the end result and relationships get hurt. All we end up doing is delaying the positive outcome we are hoping for and in search of.

Did you hear what I just said?

Where in your life are you not listening?
What situation in your life are you listening but not hearing?

It is hard allowing yourself to truly hear, because you realise in that moment that you are not in control.......you cannot change/control the other person to get what you want. In that moment you have to face your fears. In that moment you have to risk......you have to risk love, loss, hurt, having to grow, having to wait, having to face the consequences!

I started to hear and am hoping for love, risking loss, am facing the consequences and often experience hurt. But I do understand and therefore are able to make a conscious choice from the heart.....not one driven by emotions.

I listen.....
I hear.....
I understand.....
I choose......
I hope.....

Good intentions.....is it good enough?

2010-11-30T01:34:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been a week of great learning. Again I have become aware that we will never stop learning or growing in life. The question and most propably the biggest question in life is just that: "Are you truly willing to grow...even when it is not nice?"

Reality is that growing is never a great experience initially......but when your awareness changes and you start to grow in a specific area of your character and life.....wow, it is awesome. It is truly life changing.

What moved me was to deeply realise that no matter how good my intentions are, even if my heart is at a good place concerning my intention, that it does not mean it is the right thing to do.

My intentions has no control over the experience the other person is going to have.....and absolutely no control over the consequences of my actions or words.

Completely unconsciously we will find ourselves trying to justify our actions by means of our good intentions. We will try to convince the other person that we meant well. That they should see it for what we meant it! The more you try to justify and convince, the more you loose 'face' and integrity in the other persons eyes.

We truly need to do what we can to get control of our emotions that drives these 'good intention' behavior. I have experienced that it is mostly driven by a sense of desperation and fear. It even might be genuine concern.....yet still driven by fear.

It is your word at the end of the day that should be the final decider. Always keep your word, no matter how tough it gets, keep your word. It is the one thing that no one can take from you.....only you can give it away.

Importance of being honest

2010-11-21T23:20:00.000-08:00

More and more I come to realise how the word "honesty" and being an honest person is nothing more than convenience to most people.

How people are being honest only when it suits them. How they are honest only when they are asked the question, but will not out of their own share the absolute truth even when they know it is affecting someone else they care about.

It might be that they do not wish to hurt someone......
That they wish to avoid closing a back door......
Maybe they don't want to admit being in the wrong in some area.....
Trying to save face as it were, that you will keep thinking good of them.

Reality is that the truth ALWAYS comes out sooner or later. With not having shared the absolute truth from the start, all you achieve is making the consequences greater than what they would have been!!!

The hurt the other person experiences will be greater, not to mention the hurt they experienced the days, weeks, month leading up to finding the truth.
The back door will most probably be replaced by a brick wall for the future.....no chance to restore.
News spreads fast and you will loose face with more people than you ever would have thought possible. How do you restore that trust that got broken?

The hardest part of it is that you will have to live with it the rest of your life until you get to the place where you finally are able to accept forgiveness......and hope to receive forgiveness. Till that day, your lack of absolute truth will eat your heart in the moments you are with yourself. It will never go away and your life will bear the fruit.

There is nothing more destructive in your life than carrying guilt with you. I refer to it as being a silent killer. You can try to fool yourself that it doesn't matter, try to keep busy to ignore it, try to replace it with someone else......but it will always return.

So have the courage and be absolutely honest, speaking the whole truth right now. Today is your chance to change your life. The choice is yours..........and remember, the consequences you don't get to control, but your choice is yours.

The impact of Importance

2010-11-21T11:06:00.000-08:00

This week or maybe even month, I am going to focus on "importance".

How important is it to you?

How often do we actually take the time to ask this question in depth before we make our decisions in life? We are so quick to say that something is important, but when you stop to truly look at it, how important is it really to you?

When I talk about "it", I am referring to things and people.

How important is it really for you to spend time with someone?
How important is it really for you not getting to the place where you wish you did spend time with that person?

How important is it really for you to schedule that meeting right now?
How important is it really for you to make that phone call....or answer that phone right now?

What we need to realise is that importance should be the drive behind our actions and decisions. And it will and it does. If something isn't truly that important, you will delay or postpone it.....do something else instead. We are in control of our actions and decisions, BUT you are not in control of the consequences!!!

And the consequences is what you are going to have to live with....and you don't get to decide if they will be good or bad! And you are going to have to carry that cost......

So how important is it to you.......to just start thinking about the importance before you act or make a decision. How important is it?

Look at the situations you are facing in your life right now.......and ask this question......how important is it?

Time & Choices

2010-11-10T05:19:00.000-08:00

I am reminded today, again, of the importance our choices has. The consequences of our choices does not just affect us, but so many people around us and especially those closest to us.

We have this saying that time will heal all things. I have come to learn that this is just a easy escape, avoid having to deal with what you are facing or have created. Time, is not your friend. Have you ever noticed how time does not and have never taken you into consideration! It doesn't care, it just keeps on ticking. All it does in any situation is run out!

I so often hear from my clients, especially in the corporate world at executive level, that there is just not enough time for them to get everything done. It is work....and more work, and family and social life (well what is left of it).

They end up being tired, drained, unhappy and unfullfilled. They are chasing after something they don't even know anymore. Well, they thougth they did when they started climbing the ladder, thinking that when they get to the next step they will be happy. It did not happen. Then maybe the next step....and still it did not happen.

Behind them lies broken and hurt relationships. Each step they climb they leave a few more scars behind and or reinforce the ones they created on the previous step. Yet they just carry on. Until they get a wake-up call. Someone close dies, their child gets into drugs, their marriage is threatened by a divorce, or they face losing their job.

Then you end up facing what you have done with your time, your choices and what is/was truly important in your life. The sad reality is that becoming aware of it does not change the consequences, they don't disappear and they don't become lighter.

So what is important to you? What is truly so deeply important to you? Let those things take priority in your choices and what you do with your time.

The choice is yours. Are you going to take the next 30 minutes to think about it....or are you going to choose to take that time to climb the ladder?

What does your life look like?
What does your marriage look like?

tick tock, tick tock...........

Courage or Judgment

2010-11-06T05:16:00.000-07:00

The last week especially I have been reminded over and over about our lack of true love, acceptance and the concept of relationship.

We hold so strongly onto what we believe is right and what is good and we do this with the best of intentions. We are so good at this that we fool ourselves into thinking that we come from a place of love when we want to change someone to fit into our idea of what is right and good.

In essence or when in fact we are coming from a place of tremendous judgment!

Yet when we stand so firmly on what we believe to be right.....having to make the other person wrong so that you can be right....we think that we are being courageous in standing for what we believe. You end up being so proud of your courage and you are quick to surround yourself with similar thinking people to create a comfort zone for yourself.

Then months or years down the road you realise that you were just being right.....that it wasn't the only 'truth' out there and then regret hits home. Regret for all the relationships and lives you hurt in the process of being courageous.....where actually you were so deep in judgment!

My invitation to each and everyone out there is to stop before you say or act. Stop and look if it is even your place to say or act. Look where your words or actions are coming from.....is it motivated by love.....or just you being right? And are you in a place to throw the first stone?

Ogden Nash said that if you want love to keep brimming in a relationship, whenever you are wrong...admit it, and whenever you are right....shut up!

Choices & Consequences.....you choose!

2010-11-03T06:22:00.000-07:00

The choices we make dictate the life we lead
- Bill Rago, Ranaissance Man

“The Choices We Make In Life Echo In Eternity “

- Maximus, Gladiator

I was reminded just this morning again of the impact our choices has on our life. Not just your life today, it might impact your life every day for the rest of your life. The rest of your life impact stems from one little word, ‘wonder’. Those ‘what if…’ and ‘if only I…..’ little voices that will sit on your shoulder the rest of your life.

Driven by our hurts and fears we are so quick to say no, never again. Not trying it or doing it again or giving someone another chance in whatever it might be in life. Yes, we need to apply wisdom to every situation. Yet when wisdom prevails and what you are left with is merely feelings that drive you to still say no……then you open the door for the ‘wonder’ to set in.

The thing about ‘wonder’ is that you will never get an answer with which you will be at peace. You might dampen it for a little while, only for it to return again….and again.

I had a client this morning who did not want to give his partner another chance at a relationship…..his hurt was to great he said. She died in a car accident last night. Now he is sitting with regret, the ‘if only I…’ and it is killing him! There I was, I had to help him. What do I say? For nearly three hours the only words I could muster was that ‘I do not know….’

Just like she had to live with the consequences of her decision to walk out…..now he needs to deal with the lasting consequence of not giving her another chance. Oh how in an instant your feelings can change…..from not wanting her to a willingness to give everything just to have that chance with her again.

Where does this leave us? I don’t know…..because you will still make your decision. Some of us do it by heart, other by reasoning………the consequence does not care which one you use!!!

All I know is that I do not have the answer……

The choice & the focus

2010-10-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

Our lives are created, determined and shaped by the choices that we make. Each and every singe choice that YOU make has a consequence. Whatever motivated your choice will not change the consequences.

Yes, we will put what motivated our choice on the table to make us look or feel better. Maybe to create some understanding with the party that got influenced by the choice. Hopefully it may lesson the consequences of your choice. Who knows, but there will be consequences and you need to take responsibility for them. If you don't it will just happen again.

Because our choices are highly motivated and driven by emotions attached to past experiences, it becomes very important to separate yourself from the past. Why? Because a past emotional experience shapes a new found truth within you. You will apply this truth to every similar situation even if it is not the truth in that specific situation. But you unconsciously go and look for things to support your truth.....and believe me you will and always do find things (mostly way out of context) to support YOUR truth.

So how do we prevent these past emotional truths that was formed from shaping our future?

I believe that we need to shift our focus. Start focusing on the present and the future. When we allow our focus to wonder in the past, those emotional truths will always be in control. It has been scientifically proven that in any situation we take in 6 units of emotion and just 1 unit of data. So the data, the reality, the real truth does not stand a chance if we allow our focus to be in the past.

So focus on the present and give the present a fair chance. It may just give you the greatest gift......helping you to let go of the past.

Success & Failure

2010-10-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

There is something that have been on my heart the last few months. It is heavy on my heart as it is something which I have failed in in a certain area of my life.

In the process I hurt someone whom I cherish and love greatly. All hope is on saving the relationship, yet I am facing the consequences of my choices.....and might regret it for the rest of my life.

What I wish to share in short is the following:
Life is all about the choices we make and the relationships we have. Our choices are greatly emotionally charged in that initial moment as it get's influenced by past experiences and it blinds us to the reality and the truth. Yet the very choice has consequences the moment you take action on it. Regret and guilt waits at the next table for you when your eyes open to the truth and reality. And that table is not fine dining, it is dressed with food that turns your stomach, brings tears to your eyes, sleepless nights and desperation for restoration.

It is so important for us to take it slower, be open for growth and to let go of all the stuff that we tend to hold onto for protection, justification and a sense of false self worth. We all want to have success and happiness in life and our relationships. That is what drives us to make the decisions we do! Sadly most of these decisions are driven by fear from these past experiences.

It is important to realise that strong and healthy relationships is not the result of success. Success is the result of strong and healthy relationships having been built and kept in place.
Just as hurt and broken relationships is not the result of failure, but failure is the result of relationships that got hurt and broken.

Therefore, let your main and most important focus be on the relationships in life that matters most.....and not the stuff that have attached itself to your life through the years. When I talk about stuff, I refer to feelings, experiences, events and beliefs you have built up through your life......and they are just your own perspective on that specific situation.....it does not mean it applies to any other situation you find yourself in.

Leadership

2010-10-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

"The problem with the world is that we have so many managers, but not enough leaders!" - Frans Stroebel

Today there is such a big focus on turning people into leaders. What is being presented is the 5 steps and the 7 steps of what you need to do in order to become a good leader.

Reality......you can apply the 5 steps and do all 7 steps, but unless you grow in your entire being to become a good leader those steps will make no difference.

The role of a leader is to Provide and Protect. Until your being grows into this role....you cannot be a good leader. So what does this role look like you may ask? To Provide and Protect includes two areas:

1) Trust
        a. Character
        b. Competence
2) Security
        a. Emotional (attitude) stability
        b. Financial responsibility

Just look at the areas where you step into a leader role: marriage, family, team leader, supervisor, manager, director, CEO, minister and president. This list is not complete!

What does your relationships look like within these areas? We are so quick to blame other people and other things when these are not good. Yet if you go and look at these with great honesty in line with Trust and Security.......where do you need to grow? What do you need to ask forgiveness for? What do you need to take responsibility for?

Again I will say, that at the heart of success lies relationship.

Trust.....what now?

2010-10-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

A while ago I went to see the Head of Department in a very large organization. The purpose was to see if they have any need for my services - which is to increase performance by focusing on character, trust, etc. - and also at the same time to get advice on what needs there currently are in these large private corporates.

My experience of the meeting was good. There was no need for my services, but a commitment was made to forward a couple of contacts to me and let me know about a possible intervention where I can support them.

I never heard anything so I followed up. A commitment was made on when he was going to send me the information. Yet, that day came and went...along with the same excuse as previously. A new commitment was made and again, that day came and went.

My question is, how does one go about this.......especially when you learn from this experience that your services, especially where trust is concerned, are so needed there. How do you go about this without upsetting the potential client and 'pissing' him off?

If this is my experience, how many others in his department and company is having the same experience? And what are the consequences?

Where in my life am I making commitments and fail to honor them? What are the unconscious consequences of this in my life?

Holding on or letting go

2010-09-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

How often do we find ourselves in situations where we experience conflict or disagreements or some kind of issue and it just seems to repeat itself.

Not necessarily with the same person, not necessarily each week, yet when it does happen it is so frustrating and it drains so much energy out of you and affects your entire day....even other relationships during the rest of the week.

Aghhhh, if only these people will open their eyes and do things the way they should be!!!!!

Does that sound familiar? Have you ever thought about looking at your perspective? When last did you try to 'grow', look at new ways of doing things? The pace of change in today's world makes what worked today less and less relevant by next week. The scary thing is, when you are unwilling to grow, people loose trust in you. I know it sounds hard, but it is true. Those willing to grow are moving rapidly ahead and you are being left behind.

So you might find yourself trying to improve people's lives by the only way you know....and believe that it is the way....and you are good at it. It is trying to force-fit everything into whatever you're good at doing. As Abraham Maslow stated: 'He that is good with a hammer tends to think everything is a nail.'

Are you willing to let go and start growing?

Attitude & Life

2010-09-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

I am just reminded today of the impact attitude has on your life.

A highly successful individual moved from one department to another within the same company. Within 6 weeks her performance were in question and her sales followed suit.

So what changed? She still had the same client base. Her working hours were the same. Nothing at home changed to cause strain.

What did change was her working environment, familier faces. Did she manage to build relationships with people in the new department? No.

What followed was unconscious resentment towards the new people and her focused shifted as her attitude was affected. It was her own choice to do nothing.....to say nothing. The one thing that does not care about how you feel is the results that stem from your attitude.

The question now is: Do you care? And are you going to take action?

Your self belief and confidence now lies at a knife edge and time is not your friend. The consequences are firmly in your hands. Go on, take action, you are worth it!!

Experience vs Words

2010-09-15T02:41:00.000-07:00

I just had a great session with a client and am reminded again of 'experience'.

The experience which I am referring to is not an age thing, or that you have been there and done that. I am referring to the experience people have of you.

There might be a huge difference between what you think you are doing and what others are experiencing. I might tell you that I love you, yet you might experience the exact opposite from my behavior. I might think that I am doing you a great favour, when you might experience it completely different.

You might think that people trust you.....but is that truly what they experience? This one has a huge impact in all our relationships, at work and at home!!!

It is so important to ensure that our behavior in life matches what our intend is to that what others are experiencing. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for great disappointment and problems. Not even to mention the poor relationship that flows from this......one which you might think is a sound relationship!

How do I go about this experience process.....simply ask!
And we can only ask if we are willing to listen and accept the truth.....even if it hurts!

It is all worth it....and experiencing these authentic relationships around you creates tremendous joy and peace. Go on, try it!

Perspective & commitment

2010-09-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

The father of my one best friend past away last week. Today I attended his funeral. Initially I thought that I was okay, seeing that I have been spending time with my friend and his family the last three days. Yes at the funeral there were a couple of moments that can possibly be life changing for me.

I say possibly because I need to take action in order for it to become life-changing.

One question that just kept on returning to me was: "What will people be celebrating the day that I die?"

And what values am I living from so firmly that people, all people, will know that about me? Or will I be just another person who allowed circumstances in life to determine who I am? Living from day to day, just doing the best I can.....and believing that it is all God's will.

Crap man, what am I going to do about it? What am I going to do with this awesome life that God gave me...all these gifts, opportunities, talents and people around me!!!!

Perspective in life....it is moments like these that allows us to get a glimpse on perspective that we need. The next question is, what are you going to do about it.

There is a Chinese Proverb that reads: "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago! The second best time to plant a tree is today!"

So what am I going to do about it today? I decided that I am off to the farm this weekend, to sit in the veld and get perspective, to make commitments.......to plant some trees!!!

Regrets & the future

2010-09-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

I got a call over the weekend from friends asking me if maybe I can look after their 5 kids and stay over one night. What would have been a evening where most things are all about me, turned into time spent where almost everything is not about me, but rather to be aware of 5 children.

Being open to truly hear them, to get their hearts, I ended up with a couple of situations or moments where I learned so much about life.

I just became so aware of areas in my own life where I have such good intentions, but are not rooted in my beliefs. This questions trust. Trust in myself and others being able to trust me. I just became so sadened that I am becoming aware of these things now.....and not when I was 10 years old like the one little boy.

Then I read a Chinese proverb that says: "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today."

The question is, am I going to plant that tree today...or regret in twenty years from now that I did not do it today. The choice indeed is mine.

Your life story

2010-08-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

I read a book a while ago and flipped through some of the pages over the weekend in which one question grabbed my attention.

'What story are you living?'

In otherwords, if someone was to follow my life with a camera and the world is watching, will I be proud of what they see? And what role am I playing in that story?

I just became so aware of my every moment in life......does each moment serve me or others....and does it serve well?

Are you willing to look at your story.....if you have one at all?

Fathers & Sons

2010-08-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I was invited to go and speak at Grey College. It was a wonderful experience from the start to the finish. The headmaster Johan Volsteedt received me so well and took me on a journey of the school grounds prior to the gathering in the hall where I was to speak.

What caught my attention after a while, apart from the fantastic infrastructures in place, was that as we walked Mr Volsteedt greeted every child that passed us by name. Not just that, but after the child passed us Mr Volsteedt would tell me about the child and his parents. Wow.

After the gathering we went and had a coffee. During this time we got into one discussion where his son, Andre Volsteedt, came to mention. Then Mr Volsteedt said something that struck me, "Andre is really good at what he does!".

Later that day on my way back on the plane, those words stuck with me and I just realised something. If every father can say those words to his son and about his son, our world as we know it would be so different. We will have a healthier world by far!

What do you think and what is your experience?

Hello EGO

2010-08-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was watching a program last night which I truly enjoy as they do not blow the Hollywood dust of happy endings and fairy tale dreams over the reality of life. So you end up being able to truly relate to each situation they depict and the impact it has on the relevant relationships.

Last night the one character was so caught up in her pride (ego) that she started picking on people she love just to hide the mishap she experienced. She turned into a mean person and the knock on effect of her fake behavior left a trail of tears and hurt relationships behind her.

It just made me think, as I had the same experience with a client this morning, where in my life are my ego still so big that it prevents me from being upright, honest and sincere in all my relationships? Where am I blaming or looking down on others just to make myself feel better?

The people whom I hurt in the process is the very people who will embrace, support and encourage me if I were to shed my ego and be honest.

Take the time

2010-08-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

We are so quick to do something or say something.
We are quick to say we do not have the time! When last did you say this to your child, your spouse, your friend or maybe someone at work.....I am sure not too long ago.

Have you ever though that the reason you do not have the 'time'....is because you did not truly take the time to presence yourself on your decision in the first place and the consequences is what is filling your time now.....having to deal with it....all of it!

Take the time just once today, and before you make an important decision, go and truly look at what is motivating you to make that decision. Why do you really want to make it....or why do you really not wish to make it. Presence yourself to that until it is so important that nothing will influence you to choose otherwise.

I guess that is what true commitment is all about.

Have you taken the time in your life, especially when it truly mattered?

I know that I have not at times....and at times still find myself afterward not having done it. In fact, I had myself yesterday dealing with the consequence of a emotional, not thought through decision I made.

Am I willing to learn? - Still working on it....trying to presence myself to the importance of not dong it again!!!!

How just a few minutes of taking the time would have saved me sooooo much time and 'pain' today & tomorrow & possibly the day after that and also the next day and the one after that......!

Wake up......and live!

2010-08-17T01:41:00.000-07:00

Each morning we wake up with a choice:

I am grateful for this day;
or
Just another day.....

And the choice you make will in turn have a great impact on the rest of your choices that day and create the reality you face, it will determine the attitude and the day that you take to bed with that night.

Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your Words, they become actions.
Watch your Actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny.

Comfort Zone

2010-08-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

It is awesome to be in love, to experience that intoxicating feeling when you have just made n huge breakthrough in your life and when you just signed a very large business deal.

Yes, when we experience this success your body embraces it like a narcotic, you are on a high! That feeling would soon warn away, possibly the minute you face your next issue or problem. Like an alcoholic in need of a drink, you would spend the rest of your life trying to get that high again; chasing the next deal, forever analyzing your behavior and that of others.

Your life will be a series of ups and downs and your feelings will ride that wave along with you. You will miss the journey, the experience of each moment in your life. You will miss love.

So, what are you holding onto so dearly that stands between you and the joy of life?

What do you need to let go off in order to just be?

I realized yesterday that there are a number of things I was holding onto to make sure I will experience true love. My 'non-negotiables' are keeping me from experiencing life and love. I need to let go.....

Tears of growth

2010-08-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a day of eye opening into my own soul. Not always the nicest experience at that moment, but worth every tear....if you are willing to learn and take action.

So am I willing to learn? And take action?

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!! YES!!!!

The future awaits with much uncertainty after such a great loss, yet hope is what makes me take the next step.

It is hope that fuels my courage!

Pointing the finger!

2010-08-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

We have all heard the saying that: 'if you are pointing your finger, just remember that four are pointing back at you'.

Have you ever taken this to heart?
or
Is it easier to just look at others instead of yourself?

The reality of life is that whilst you keep looking at others you will always have to keep finding someone or something to blame. Eventually you end up being alone in life having pointed loved ones and true friends away in your effort to avoid having to look at yourself.

Yet when you finally get the courage to look at yourself, it ain't all that bad as long as you are willing to start taking action on that which you don't like. As long as you are willing to acknowledge your mistakes. As long as you are willing to ask forgiveness. As long as you are willing to commit to making the changes to become the person you wish to be.

You are worth it! Do not delay another day....stop now, stop the self deceit and look into your heart.

It might not feel like it to you, but the people who's reaction you fear are waiting for your true self. They have been waiting for a long time!